strongerthanblood | [for ben]

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ben solo

[for ben]

When Rey first arrived in Darrow, she had been a bit overwhelmed by all the amenities suddenly at her disposal. Running water was what confounded her the most, because it stunned her to see something so precious just always there, whenever she wanted it. For the first few days, she was careful to waste as little as possible, but as time passed she eased up bit by bit, until a quick shower stopped making her feel guilty.

This shower, the one she's taking now, isn't quick. She had worked in the junk yard all day, tearing apart a car and putting it back together entirely by hand, under the watchful eye of the owner. He had seemed impressed, and begrudgingly offered her use of the space as long as she paid for the entrance fee and any parts she broke.

The day's events had left her dirty and sore, so she takes her time in the shower, washing herself clean and letting the hot water loosen her muscles. The more she relaxes, the more her thoughts start to drift. And they drift, as they so often do, to Ben.

She hasn't seen him over the past few days, as busy as she's been with her study of mechanics, and she misses him. He's there, in this city and in her mind, but she misses him still. Right now, specifically, she misses his mouth. It's practically sinful, that mouth, and Rey leans back against the cool tile, letting her eyes fall shut as her hand slides down her flat stomach, drifting lower and lower.

Touching herself doesn't hold quite the same appeal now that she knows what it's like to have Ben touch her, but maybe it is because of that knowledge that heat flares between her legs more often than it ever has. Rey didn't have time for such trivial things on Jakku, but know she does. Now she knows.

So she lets her fingers drift down between her legs, letting out a soft sigh as she thinks of him. The other half of her dyad. The other part of her, and his beautiful, beautiful mouth.

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"I didn't realize I was making it for you," he admitted. This time, it was his turn to be embarrassed. Over the last weeks, he found himself doing things he normally wouldn't. Considering the things she might like, savoring things he might have normally taken for granted. He'd bought new, softer sheets for his bed, he'd tucked a box of tea into his cupboard.

"I have a funny way of doing everything," he pointed out, kissing the hollow of her throat. "And so do you."

He kissed the underside of her chin, the curve of her throat, then lower, the flat of her breastbone, the valley between her breasts. Then, he lowered himself to his knees there in his kitchen, his cheek pressed against the flat of her belly, her skin slick from her shower and covered with goosebumps.

With a huff of laughter, he lifted his head to look at her, his chin resting against her belly. "It's harder to ask you to be with me, when it's not under the guise of corrupting you."

His touches feel different through the bond, like she's feeling them somewhere deeper inside of herself, and not just on her skin. It feels a little like he's touching her everywhere, all at once, and she lets out a shuddering breath as he speaks against her wet skin.

Sometimes it makes her want to cry, how sweet he can be. Ben Solo can be so thoughtful, so kind, and it breaks her heart that these qualities weren't the ones encouraged and nurtured in him. Of course, she's a little biased, because she knows that he wouldn't be nearly as sweet with anyone that wasn't her, but this only makes her cherish him even more.

Her eyes widen slightly when he sinks to his knees, but her expression holds nothing but fondness by the time he looks up at her. She cups his cheek, thumbing under his eye before smoothing his hair back from his face.

With him on his knees for her, she thinks she knows what it feels like to be worshipped. "I think you'd have a little more success this time," she tells him, smiling as her fingers trail along the curve of his jaw.

"I'll tell you a secret, Ben." Rey squeezes his hand where it still rests on her hip, and then slides her hand along his strong forearm while the other grips the back of his neck. "I always want to be with you."

"I know," he admitted, the air drawn from his lungs with one sharp twist, overwhelmed by the weight of the trust and the faith she had in him, given without ever being earned. He wondered if he would ever feel worthy of this, and feared that day, if it ever came, because it would mean he'd given in to arrogance and hubris all over again.

He kissed her, the flat of her belly, catching a drop of water from her navel.

"Come over," he murmured, "I'll make another sandwich. I burned this one."

There is a chill in the bathroom, now that she's standing there wet and naked, but she barely notices it because Ben is lavishing her with attention the likes of which she could never have dreamed. She hadn't known that she could feel like this, and she nods as she presses back on his shoulders until he rests on his haunches. She sinks down to straddle his lap, cupping his cheeks so she can be eye to eye with him when she smiles.

"I want extra cheese," she tells him in the same tone that she might tell him that she loves him, and then kisses him on the mouth, soft and lingering, just barely touching the tip of her tongue to the seam of his lips before closing the bond. Suddenly she's alone on the floor of her shower, and she can't help but to let out a breathless laugh.

What a wonderful adventure her life has become.

Rey wastes no time in drying off and getting dressed, scrubbing a towel through her hair as she collects her phone and her keys. She won't be coming back here tonight if she has any say in it, but she doesn't bother taking anything else with her. She's a woman of simple needs, and it isn't as if she'll need pajamas.

She makes it one block before she breaks into a jog, grinning because she now knows what it feels like to be on the other side of this particular journey. Running to him feels so completely right, and shes's grinning and breathless by the time she knocks on his door.

He blinked, left a bit breathless and disoriented by her kiss, and the loss of her afterward. He could still feel her, a distant echo, her excitement and anticipation ringing out clearly through the Force, and as he stood, he was unable to suppress his smile.

Instead of dumping the sandwich in the garbage, he polished it off quickly as he went about preparing another. Her knock came just as he slid the perfectly grilled sandwich onto a plate.

"Come in," he called, opening the lock with an easy, if indulgent, flex of his mind.

Rey's hand is on the knob as soon as she hears the lock, and she lets herself in and kicks her shoes off in the vague direction of the corner as she follows her nose and her mind to the kitchen, where Ben is.

"I like this view," she says happily, coming up behind him and wrapping her arms around his waist, squeezing tightly as she presses her face between his shoulder blades. "You should cook for me more often. They say stomachs are the door to the heart."

She ducks under his arm and takes the plate from him, wiggling her shoulders a bit before taking a bite of the sandwich. When she looks up at his face, she sees that his already distracting mouth is a little shiny. "Did you eat the burned one?"

"Do they?" He said wryly, stifling a smirk at her excitement, which was more charming than it had any right to be.

"It wasn't completely ruined," he said, shrugging vaguely as he leaned against the counter, arms folded across his chest.

Her hair was still damp, strands of it framing her face, her cheeks pink from her walk over. He ached to touch her.

“This is very good,” Rey tells him, eating the sandwich as she leans back against the oven. He has his arms crossed and she still feels a little embarrassed from earlier, so it makes her wonder if the position is meant to keep her at bay.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” Rey says quietly, because she can’t stop thinking what Ben had said. He had been teasing her, she thinks, but she still wants to make sure. “I don’t just want to see you only when I want— an itch scratched.”

Her cheeks flush and she averts her gaze, staring at a dark mole on his neck instead of looking him in the eye. “It’s just harder to control my mind when I feel like that, and you’re the only one who ever has made me feel like that.”

The only one who ever could.

It’s a rather embarrassing lack of control and she lets out a breath before finally looking up and giving him a small smile. “I’ll try to work on it.”

"You're sorry?"

He frowned, uncomprehending. His head cocked, taking stock of the anxiety he could feel from her, the sickly coil of shame slithering its way through their bond.

"You don't have anything to apologize for."

One corner of his mouth twitched vaguely.

"My night got a whole lot better, because you turned up in my kitchen." His smile widened, just a bit. "Naked."

Relief floods through Rey and she smiles over at him, feeling herself flush even more than she might have were she actually naked. They aren’t currently lost in each other and driven by lust, and it makes everything feel much more deliberate.

She had been embarrassed because she knows very little about sex, and has no idea if it’s normal to feel so overcome by need as she does sometimes with him, to the point that she would touch herself so wantonly in his presence. Now she’s realizing that it doesn’t matter if she’s normal or not. What matters is his acceptance of her just as she is, and she gives him a pleased smile as she finishes the rest of her sandwich.

After setting the plate on the counter and wiping her hands, she steps up to Ben and wraps her arms around his waist, pressing her face into his chest and breathing in before tipping her head back to look at him, chin resting against his sternum.

“Maybe you can have me naked somewhere else later,” she tells him, thrilled by her boldness as she takes his hand and leads him over to the sofa, looking over her shoulder at him. “If you’re good.”

"And what does being good entail?" He asked, brow arched as he followed her into the living room, playing up his skepticism all for show. He'd made the decision to live whatever life he had left at her side, and it was unlikely that he would ever deny her what she asked of him.

Pulling away from her, he sat on the sofa, hands resting calmly on his knees.

“Just being here with me,” Rey says as she steps between his knees, because she doesn’t want to put any conditions on their time together, even if they’re only playing. She is already his, and he doesn’t have to do anything to have her.

He looks interested, perhaps even a little eager with his hands on his knees, and Rey smiles warmly as she pushes his hands away so that she can straddle his hips. Her hands go to his shoulders, framing each side of his neck as she settles her backside into the cradle of his thighs. “But I wouldn’t mind it if you kissed me.”

His hands found her hips, the swell of them beneath a waist narrow enough that he could nearly span in entirely between the circle of his fingers. Tipping up his chin, he met her eyes, his expression clear and unguarded.

His nose brushed hers, feeling the flutter of her breath against his lips, dragging the moment out until it was sweet and aching. When his lips pressed against hers, it was soft, shallow, a tender acceptance that this was inevitable from the moment she'd first appeared in his kitchen.

Their eyes meet and Rey's breath hitches slightly, because the emotion swirling in Ben's is always just a little overwhelming. No one has ever looked at her like he has. Other then letting her thumbs brush along his jaw, Rey stays still and lets Ben come to her.

Despite the declarations they've made to each other, Ben still seems a bit hesitant with this. He always lets her be the one to initiate things, and surely some of it is a show of respect but perhaps it's also that he thinks he can only have what she will give him, like even that is too much.

She wants him to know that he can reach for her if he needs her, or even only wants her, and that it's okay. He's allowed to have her, and sugar in his coffee, and soft blankets. He can kiss her whenever he wants.

Their mouths meet and Rey's chest aches at how sweet it is, and she sinks her fingers into his soft hair as she relaxes against him, letting her contentment and eagerness radiate through their bond. They swap long, languid kisses until Rey's lungs burn and she pulls back to smile at him.

He's so good at kissing her. It isn't like either of them have experience to go on, but it isn't that he's good at kissing. He's good at kissing her, and she brings their mouths together again before dipping her head to kiss along his jaw, swollen lips brushing his ear. "Can I stay the night?"

Edited 2020-04-26 03:16 (UTC)

"As much as I was enjoying the solitude," he said wryly, his thumb smudging across her swollen lips, "You'll ruin my night, if you don't."

He slipped a hand beneath her shirt, palm against her spine, feeling the way her ribs expanded with each breath. He matched each breath with his own, his nose brushing her cheek, feeling her through every cell in his body.

“We wouldn’t want that,” Rey replies, smiling against the pad of his thumb. She unzips her sweatshirt and wriggles out of it, tossing it aside before leaning in for another kiss. His hand slides further up the thin tank she’s wearing, and she pulls back enough to tug Ben’s shirt over his head, baring all that pale skin to her.

Their chests rise and fall in unison and Rey smiles against his jaw, taking a moment to revel in this outstanding togetherness, and how they slot together so seamlessly. Rey doesn’t think that she could ever truly get used to it, even as familiar as it is becoming. It will always invoke a sense of wonder.

Her mouth finds the top of his shoulder as she presses his thighs apart so that she can sink gracefully to her knees on the floor, resting her chin on his knee and looking up at him with a soft, open expression. “I want to try something.”

Ben knew exactly what she meant to do, because her mind was filled with it. Her nervousness, her determination, the same stubborn, single-mindedness that he'd found both infuriating and desperately intriguing.

"Alright," he said, one corner of his mouth twitching faintly. "Don't let me stop you."

He appeared calm, outwardly unaffected, but when he swallowed, his throat gave an audible click, his mouth suddenly dry, sweating palms coming to rest atop his own thighs.

"Don't get too excited," Rey quips, smiling up at him as she reaches for the button of his jeans. She's teasing, of course, because she can feel the tremble of his nerves. Her smile softens as she opens his pants and tugs his underwear down, feeling her cheeks flush as she curls her fingers around his thickening shaft.

She watched videos of people doing this on her phone, mostly so she would know how, and she didn't really find any enjoyment in watching other people do it. But now that she's here on her knees, her anticipation rises.

"I want to make you feel good," she assures him, meeting his eyes and nodding a little as she leans in to press a kiss to the head of his cock, gently sliding the foreskin down with her fingers as she strokes him with her other hand. "You'll have to tell me you like."

"I'm not sure it's possible for you to do something I don't like," he admitted, his hand lifting to her hair, fingers curling reflexively against the back of her skull, cradling her more than guiding.

Truthfully, he didn't know the first thing about what he might want from this. He was learning, just as much as she was, and it seemed, for the moment, that she had the upper hand.

He ought to have been used to it by now.

"You say that now," Rey says teasingly, giving his hard length a pointed look. His fingers slip into her hair and she hums encouragingly as she licks at him again. The taste is bitter but not entirely unpleasant, and she takes a breath before letting him slide into her mouth and across her tongue.

Her lips stretch around his girth and she curls her hand around the base of him, and after a few clumsy attempts she's able to work up a steady rhythm, her fist rising up to meet her lips, over and over.

There's an ache in her knees but it's easy to ignore when she can feel the echo of Ben's pleasure between her own legs. She must be doing something right, and a small sense of pride wells up inside of her as she looks up at his face. She likes being good at things, and she likes the way he fills up her mouth. Most of all, he likes the look on his face, almost like he's stunned.

Rey likes all of this, because it's him.

"This isn't going to prove me wrong," he countered breathlessly, watching her for as long as he possibly could before letting his head fall back against the sofa with a shuddering sigh.

He let himself drift in the feedback loop of her pleasure, her pride, every spark of desire met by his own. He swallowed with an audible click, his thumb tracing the seam of her lips stretched around his length.

"It's too much," he gasped, but he did nothing to push her away, instead clutching at her a little tighter, his hips twitching restlessly.

Rey slows but does not stop, because she knows exactly what he means. The first time he put his mouth between her legs, she had felt like she was going to explode into a cloud of stars, like she would just burn away. By now they've come together like this enough times that, while she still feels woefully inexperienced, she knows that this moment is the precursor to something amazing.

Breathe through it, she says to him, speaking with her mind so she doesn't have to take her mouth off of him, looking up at him with dark, wide eyes. She sucks at him a little harder, humming around the length of him as she works him over that edge. You can spend in my mouth, it's okay. I want you to.

It took little more than that, her words more a feeling than something audible. His eyes never left her face, one hand fumbling at his side while the other curved as gently as he could manage at the base of her skull.

It was like the pull of the tide, unstoppable and all-consuming, a wordless cry stifled behind clinched teeth.

He gave himself only a moment or two to catch his breath before he was on her, urging her to her feet and fumbling at the fastenings of her waistband. He mouthed at her belly, just beneath her navel, ducking to suck a kiss at the point of her hipbone as he tugged her clothes down around her thighs.

His thighs tense up under Rey's hands and for a brief flash she wonders if maybe she's done something wrong, but then Ben makes this muffled sound and pulses against her tongue. It's enough to surprise her but she suckles at him, cheeks flushing hot as she swallows around him.

Rey lets him slip from her swollen mouth and she moves to rise to her feet with every intention of joining him on the sofa, but instead he grabs at her hips and she gasps softly as he tugs her forward, putting her where he wants her.

Usually Ben lets her take the lead with these encounters, which she appreciates, but she can't deny the flare of heat she feels between her legs as he pulls down her leggings and underwear to leave her bare.

It wasn't meant to be transactional, what she did, but she knows that isn't what this is. Ben is drawing her in close and sucking a bruise into her skin because he wants to, and she lets out a quiet whimper before pulling her top over her head and tossing it aside so she can bury her fingers in his hair, waiting to see what he'll do.

She wants to say something, to encourage him, but all she can do is breathe out his name and let him feel how much she desires him, all of him, for better or worse.

Working her pants down to the floor, Ben all but lifted her to lay her out, his mouth on her before her back even hit the sofa cushions. There was no cause for hurry, but he was, as always, swept up in the crackling energy of her— in the power surging through her, in mirror of his own, as much as her body.

He licked her open, the folds of her already slick and swollen, her clit pulsing against his tongue. With her knees pressed up towards her chest, she was spread open obscenely. He thought of her standing in his kitchen, naked and glistening, her fingers curled deeply inside of herself. His cock gave a weak twitch.

He wanted to push himself inside of her, any way that he could. To crawl inside of her skin. To be there, with her, in whatever way she would allow.

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