strongerthanblood | but i’m a fire and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm (for ben)

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ben solo

but i’m a fire and i’ll keep your brittle heart warm (for ben)

When Rey's eyes flutter open upon waking, she immediately shuts them again as she shifts to avoid the light streaming through the window. With a flick of her wrist, the curtains slide shut and sighs as the room dims around her.

She stretches, feeling a pleasant soreness in her muscles that comes from a long, hard day's work. It's only when she turns to the side and sees Ben asleep next to her that she realizes that she isn't in her bed, which is definitely where she fell asleep the previous night, and the night before that.

A project at the junk yard had taken up her attention, and perhaps the bond knew how much she missed being in Ben's presence. She is always aware of him, settled firmly in her mind in a way that's become wholly comforting, but she hasn't seen him in days.

Once she's more awake, she can feel the hum of the bond, drowning out noise around them until she can't even hear the birds that chirp outside of his window in the mornings. Ben is still asleep, with the sheet draped around his hips to reveal his bare torso, so Rey curls up on her side and lets herself look at him.

Eventually looking isn't enough for her so she shifts closer, smiling to herself as she gently trails a fingertip down the length of his arm. It won't take much to wake him, she knows, so she's careful in her movements. Her fingertip moves to the center of his broad chest, and she flattens her palm there as she leans in to press a kiss to his shoulder.

Touching him through the bond is an experience all its own, like a warm tingling throughout her body. It's the perfect thing for a lazy morning, and she lets her palm glide down his stomach as she noses along the inside of his bicep just to take in the musky smell of him, warm with sleep.

"Ben," she whispers, pausing the downward slide of her hand when she reaches the waistband of his underwear. For a moment she considers diving under the sheets to wake him up with her mouth, but she knows he wouldn't sleep through that, so she circles his navel with her thumb instead. "Wake up, sleepy head."

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Rey can feel the precise moment he wakes up, both in her mind and in the way he goes tense under her hand. Letting out a soothing hum, she moves even closer to him, feeling the neck of her shirt, a dark grey tee stolen from him, fall over her shoulder as she molds herself against his side.

“Saying good morning,” she murmurs in a voice low and rough with sleep. Her hand slides down under his waistband to curl around his hip as she leans in to press a soft, lazy kiss to his clavicle. “Say ‘good morning, Rey’.”

She turns her head to rest her cheek against his chest, smiling sleepily up at him as her hair spills across his pale skin. Their bond is thrown wide open, thrumming between them like a living thing, and she feels practically effervescent with it, letting it flow through her and into him as she watches his face.

"Good morning, Rey," he murmured, blinking away the haze of sleep. There was a strange, in-between moment, where the bed was empty at his side, the sheets largely undisturbed, before she came back to him, real and solid as if she'd been there all along.

She drew herself against his side, her loose hair tumbling across his chest, and he felt swallowed up by her. It shocked him, even now, and he thought back on that moment between them, the very first time they're reached for one another... It seemed amusing now, that he'd been so overtaken by that point of contact, when it had only represented a fraction of what it felt like to allow her in completely.

No one has ever looked at Rey like he does, with an intensity that makes a pleasant shiver run down to her toes. She doesn’t even know if Ben is aware of the wonder in his gaze, like she’s something to be marveled over.

There are moments that it makes her blush, maybe even squirm, but not now. This morning she lets herself bask in it, meeting his gaze until it makes her heart flutter in her chest and warmth pool between her legs.

She drops a few soft kisses across his chest, letting her lips brush across a nipple pebbled by either the morning chill or her attentions. Her mouth trails up to his throat and across his jaw, and she can feel each soft kiss through the bond and somewhere deep inside of herself.

“Good morning, Ben,” she tells him, low and throaty as she props herself up on her elbow so that she can reach his mouth and give him a proper kiss, licking at the seam of his lips until he lets her inside. He tastes sour with sleep but Rey doesn’t mind, too enraptured with the kiss to worry about a little thing like that.

It’s the first time that they’ve kissed like this through the bond and it’s a heady feeling, enough to have her making a soft, pleased sound against his mouth.

Smiling faintly, Ben rested a hand against her spine, feeling the rise and fall of her breath, as if she were right there with him. When she kissed him, he jolted, startled not only by the intensity of it, but also by its familiarity.

He doubted he would ever take any of this for granted, but it was beginning to feel like something that belonged to him. Being with her was beginning to feel like home.

She can feel it when he tenses underneath her, and also as he incrementally relaxes, all while her mouth lingers on his. Her free hand slides from his hip all the way up the center of him, until she can touch his face. It’s only then that she stops kissing him, pulling back just enough enough to look at him.

“I missed you,” she says easily, even though he never left her head. Her fingers trail along his jaw and down the side of his neck, tracing his clavicle and gliding across a well-defined pectoral muscle. “You’ve made it difficult to sleep without you.”

One corner of his mouth twitched.

He considered, not for the first time, what the merits were of them continuing to live apart. He liked his own space, and he assumed she did as well, their habits and schedules rarely aligning. They could both be terribly moody and stubborn, and he could only imagine the fights they might have, living within the same space.

Despite all that, he couldn't help but find the possibility appealing.

"You were in my head, the whole night. I don't know how you had time to miss me," he murmured, amusement lighting up behind his eyes.

There’s an idea of sorts forming in Ben’s mind, and she can’t help but to see the edges of it. She could see it clearly if she wanted, she’s sure, but she doesn’t press. She thinks she understands, and she smiles serenely up at him. It’s enough to know that he has the thought, and for now she is content enough to see if the idea takes root.

“I missed you too, Rey,” she says in a low, gruff imitation of his voice, rolling her eyes in fond amusement as she presses a kiss to his shoulder.

“I know, Ben,” she adds in her own voice, holding his gaze for a moment before her hand sneaks under the sheet again. This time she cups him loosely through his underwear, letting her hand rest there with a casual possessiveness as she digs her chin into his chest.

“I’m good at multi-tasking,” she says simply. “I’m good at a lot of things.”

"But I didn't miss you. You were right here. Taking up space," Ben said, teasing her as he held his body perfectly still, trying very hard not to seem affected by the jolt of friction as she palmed him through his shorts.

It was a strange sort of pressure, substantial but not quite as solid as her physical hand, and crackling with the warm spark of her, a light that filled up his entire universe.

His cock twitched under her palm, and he wondered if he could be inside of her like this, if they would bleed into one another and disappear into the infinite molecules of the Force.

It’s the briefest image but she catches it, his cock hard and pressing into the core of her, and it’s enough to make her breath hitches. Her cunt clenches between her legs, suddenly feeling achingly empty.

Her lips part and she shifts her hand to slide it into his underwear instead, curling her fingers around the soft length of him. He starts to thicken in her hand and she thumbs at the head, gently dragging his foreskin down a little, tracing the velvet softness of it with the pad of her thumb.

Everything feels more charged with the bond open like this, and her nipples tighten against the thin cotton of her shirt, where her breasts are pressed into his flank.

“Taking up space,” she repeats with a thoughtful hum, lifting a brow as she slides her hand lower, cupping his balls and rolling them in her palm. She moves lower to press her fingertips to the soft spot behind them, rubbing curiously. “I think you’d let me take up whatever space I pleased.”

It happened to them most often when their guards were down, when they weren’t trying at all. However, there was some effort required in being so physical with each other, even if the distance between them wasn’t so great.

Her hand wedged its way between his thighs, long digits slipping behind his balls, and he thought oh at the same moment that his own control faltered and the light beside the bed surged, the bulb shattering into tiny bits of glass.

He turned to look at it, somehow managing not to look wholly embarrassed. “I think I would,” he answered, in a tone of carefully feigned calm.

They’re still exploring each other, still learning, and it’s their deep mutual trust that even allows her to roam to places unknown. Ben’s body is a map scattered with dark little stars, and Rey wants to chart every single piece of it.

She feels his sudden moment of realization, his soft little oh as if it were her own. Maybe it was a shared moment, both of them learning something new about each other and themselves.

Her eyes are still on his face when the bulb suddenly bursts, and she doesn’t know if it’s the surprise or the burst of power coming from him that makes her gasp, clit throbbing between her legs. She can’t help but to wonder if he’s yet realized that she isn’t wearing any underwear.

The last thing she wants is for him to be embarrassed, so she lets him see her pleased smile, like he’s done something amazing. He has, in her eyes. He’s trusted her with this.

Rey slides down the bed, rocking back onto her haunches as she tosses the sheet aside and pulls down his underwear, leaving them bunched around his calves as in her eagerness to get her hands back on him.

“Spread your legs a little,” she says breathlessly, letting her fingers trail along the thick length of him, along his balls and then back again. This time she presses with more purpose, massaging that smooth spot as his balls rest in her palm.

“I’d come over and do this in person,” she says huskily, leaning down to drag her tongue over the head of his cock. The taste of him is muted, but the bond crackles between them, making her breath hitch. “But you didn’t miss me at all.”

"Ah," he said, startled by her sudden determination, though he shouldn't have been. She always threw herself in head first, her jaw set with stubborn purpose.

Doing as he was told, he collapsed onto his back, thighs spread, underwear trapped ridiculously around his knees.

Huffing out a laugh, he said, "I didn't," with stubbornness of his own. Her hair shifted beneath his touch, his fingertips pressing gently against her scalp. He was fixated on the odd feedback loop of the immediacy of the bond between them, and the muted, liminal quality of her touch.

“I see,” Rey replies, breathing it out across the head of his cock before digging the tip of her tongue underneath the foreskin just to see if she can. Perhaps he really didn’t miss her, because her presence in his mind was enough. Or, more likely, he’s just being contrary.

Her fingers press in harder, slipping lower to catch on the tight, puckered ring of muscle there, prodding curiously because there is no part of him that she doesn’t want to know. The look on his face intrigues her, and circles her fingertip around it before pulling her hand away entirely.

If he wants to be contrary, she can be a tease.

Rey lifts herself up onto her knees and straddles Ben’s broad chest, shimmying forward a bit until she is inches from his chin. With a hand on her belly, she drags the dark fabric of her shirt up to reveal her bare cunt to both of them. Her body hair has always been sparse, perhaps due to developing in such a hot climate, and she has the striking thought that her cunt is almost... pretty.

Rey never gave much thought to her femininity before. It was more important to be strong and quick and it didn’t matter if she had soft hair or full breasts. Ben has taught her to look at her body in different ways, and now she takes in her plump labia and the soft, pink folds within, practically glistening in the morning light, she feels almost delicate, even as she pins Ben’s arms to the bed with the tops of her feet so he can’t touch her.

Instead she touches herself, letting her thin fingers trail along her slit, spreading the wetness there.

“That’s really too bad,” she breathes out, shuddering on top of him as she sits up to pull the shirt over her head, breasts jiggling as she tosses it aside.

He could've easily used his weight to flip her, though prior evidence proved that despite his size and strength, he was rarely able to keep that upper hand. Instead of struggling, however, he went still beneath her, his eyes wide as he watched her toy with herself, fingertips disappearing between her slick folds.

Lips parted, Ben drew in a deep breath, his cock jolting as he caught the faint ghost of her scent.

"Rey," he murmured, his voice hoarse as his forearms flexed beneath her weight.

“Ben,” she replies easily, arching a brow at him as she dips two fingers down between her folds and spreads them a little, letting him see the hungry clench of her cunt before pulling her hand away.

Her fingers are slick, shining with it, and she hums as she reaches out to lightly trace the full curve of his bottom lip with the tip of one.

“You should learn to ask for the things you want, Ben,” she breathes out, eyes darkening as she slides her finger into his mouth, letting him taste her. The touch of his tongue against her skin makes her breath hitch, and she reaches up with her other hand to cup her breast, rolling her nipple between her thumb and forefinger as she looks down at him.

“I could give you anything,” she breathes out, pressing her finger to his tongue before pulling it out of his mouth entirely and returning it between her legs, circling her swollen clitoris without quite touching it. “You just have to tell me what you want.”

"I thought you were going to take what you wanted," Ben countered, as calmly as he could manage. Her taste was faint, more like a memory shared between them than anything physical, and he groaned, his cock straining as he watched the lewd display, her folds parted to expose her flushed clitoris.

"Or do you need permission?"

“From you? Yes.” It’s a simple statement, but one that she will adhere to firmly. She wants Ben so badly that it’s like a physical ache, but more than that, she respects him. She loves him.

She will never let herself be another person who takes from Ben Solo without asking.

“Are you giving it to me?” She asks breathlessly, lifting herself from his chest to shuffle forward enough that his chin nudges against her, rough with morning stubble. The drag of it makes her gasp, and the bond sends a zip of sensation up her spine, warm and comforting.

Her hand drops to touch his face, cupping his cheek and sliding her fingers into his hair, holding onto it with a tender possessiveness. The urge to use that grip to pull his face against her cunt is nearly overwhelming, but she swallows hard and makes herself stay still, thighs trembling on either side of his head as she waits for his answer.

"Always," he said without hesitation, and with his forearms free from her weight, he reached up to hold her hips, marveling at how solid she felt, how real the moment was, despite the distance between them.

Pulling her to him, he buried his face between her legs, his mouth opening greedily over her cunt. He knew the touch would be muted, despite the spark of the bond flowing through them both, and he urged her to rut against his face as she pleased. But perhaps that had nothing to do with the circumstances of their coupling, and everything to do with wanting her to take from him whatever she wanted.

Always.

That alone makes Rey shiver pleasantly, and then his big hands are suddenly there, pulling her to him, and she lets out a soft cry as his tongue drags up through her folds. It doesn’t feel quite the same, not physically, but the sudden pleasure sings over the bond and she hears a bulb burst somewhere beyond the bed, but it doesn’t matter.

It’s overwhelming and for the briefest moment, she’s alone on her bed, up on her knees, but then Ben is back underneath her and she cries out as his tongue presses into her. She grips the headboard in one hand and keeps the other buried in his hair, holding him in place as she grinds her hips against his face. His nose slots up against her clit and she shudders, tossing her head back as she rocks against him.

This is, perhaps, not how their bond was meant to be used, but Rey doesn’t care. It’s there for when they need each other, and Ben makes her feel a need unlike anything she’s ever felt.

Drawing back to catch his breath, he shifted a hand to touch her, his thumb rubbing at her swollen clitoris as she left a wet streak across his chin. It would be there, even after she was gone, he realized, a bit of physical proof of her presence. Like rainwater.

Holding her by the hip, he shifted a bit higher on the bed, lifting his chin to watch the way her body clenched greedily in the absence of his tongue.

Pulling her to himself again, he licked at her sloppily, tongue thrusting into her until his jaw ached.

It feels like she’s been keyed up since she woke up at his side, nerves alight in the prolonged opening their bond, so when his thumb finds the tight bud of her clitoris, she finds it hard to hold on.

And then he presses his tongue inside of her tight cunt and he fucks her with it, eager and sloppy, and Rey tosses her head back as pleasure bursts outward from the core of her. For a moment she’s sure that she’s exploded into stardust, because she isn’t sure how she can feel such a thing and stay intact.

But no, eventually awareness comes back to her and she looks down at Ben’s face as her thighs quiver around him, gasping for breath as she twitches through the aftershocks.

“Ben.” She gasps his name and slides back enough to kiss him, tasting herself on his swollen lips. Her grip on the bond feels tenuous, and her brow furrows slightly as she struggles to keep it open.

“Come here, please.” Her voice is rough and full of need, and she presses the flat of her tongue to his chin just because she can, dragging it up over his lips. She’s on her elbows and knees over him, arching her back, and she lets out a gasp as his cock brushes the inside of her thigh. “Come be with me. I want to really feel it when you’re inside of me.”

"All right," Ben panted, sprawled helplessly on the bed, his eyes blinking up at the ceiling. He felt her hovering over him, her thighs damp from her own slick as she moved against him, and then at once, she was gone.

"All right," he said to himself, standing unsteadily, his cock jutting impatiently between his legs, curved towards his belly and already leaking. Cursing under his breath, he pulled his shorts on, hissing as he shoved himself inside the straining fabric. By the time he'd dressed, his erection had flagged somewhat, and he was able to hurry out of the apartment without causing too much scandal.

Foregoing the call box, he used his mind to open the lock downstairs, taking steps two at a time, his breath coming in labored bursts.

It’s a few minutes later, when Rey is sprawled on her back and idly touching herself while looking up something on her phone that leads to some very explicit images and a few helpful articles, that she realizes what she’s done. She drops the phone and lets out a choked sort of laugh, reaching up to cover her mouth with one hand.

The least she could have done was make him come before asking him to run across town. Then she thinks of that idea she saw in his mind, and wonders if maybe this will nudge him closer to making a decision. He wouldn’t have to run across town if she were already in his bed.

Once she senses that he’s close, she rolls out of bed and strides naked towards the front door, using a twitch of her fingers to undo the lock. Ben bursts through it, red-faced and panting, and Rey feels so much fondness for him that it feels a little like her heart might burst.

“I’m so sorry,” she tells him, and the sentiment is sincere even as she bites back a laugh. She pushes him back against the door and leans in for a kiss, humming when she realizes that she can still taste herself there, faintly. “That couldn’t have been a fun trip.”

She kisses him again and then sinks to her knees, grinning up at him as she pulls his sweatpants down over his thighs. “I’ll make it up to you.”

"You're not sorry at all," he laughed, his shoulders hitting the door with a dull thud.

She was still gloriously naked, kneeling at his feet with a bright, pleased grin on her face, and he'd never seen anything so beautiful.

"If you insist."

“Just a little bit,” she assures him as she hooks her fingers in his underwear and drags them down to reveal something not very little at all.

His cock is still a little hard and she leans in to nuzzle at it apologetically, looking up at him as she reaches between her legs gather slick on her fingers before curling her hand around him him. She breathes hotly against the head, pressing soft kisses to it as the foreskin pulls back.

Being on her knees for a man is not something that ever occurred to Rey, not once in her life. Not until him. He knows this, she’s sure. He knows what it means for her to do this. Not only do it, but enjoy it so much. That she expected even less.

But she does. She likes the musky smell of him, and the slight tang of salt on his skin. She likes the way he fills her mouth, and she hums as he slides across her tongue. Her lips curl around him and she grips the base of him, bobbing her head in a smooth, steady rhythm as she stares up at his face.

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