strongerthanblood | debut [for ben]

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ben solo

debut [for ben]

There's a moment that Rey realizes that this is the end of her story. She can feel the life draining out of her, but she isn't afraid of death, not anymore. How can she be, when with it comes the hope of new life for generations to come? She had won not just the battle, but the entire war, and her work is done.

Rey has spent her entire life searching for answers, always trying to find them in other people, but as she lays on the cold stone and stares up at the sky, she knows exactly who she is. The answer was inside her all along.

She is Rey, and her choices were all her own. Perhaps her life is ending just at the moment it truly begins, but she is content with that. There a certain amount of peace in knowing that her destiny has been fulfilled, and her friends can go on to live safe, happy lives. Her story may be over, but it will never die. The people she loves will live to tell it, and she will never truly be gone.

It's easy to give herself over to the Force. She fades away into it, and as the last breath leaves her lungs she hopes only to see those she's lost on the other side. Because even in death, she has hope. Be with me.

Then it's all over, and she can rest.

Power surges through Rey's body like a live wire, reawakening every nerve as blood pumps once more through her heart, and her eyes snap open as she sucks in a deep, gasping breath. She had thought her fight was over, her journey complete, but perhaps there is more work to be done.

Once she's on her feet, she holds out her hand and feels Luke's saber-- her saber-- fly into it, but before she can light it she comes to realize that she is no longer on Exegol. It is cold and dark, but this isn't the place she took her last breath.

The place she stands now is a clearing surrounded by trees, green and lush despite the snow falling down onto them, and her. Evergreen, they're called. They refuse to die, even when the world around them is cold and inhospitable. It makes sense that she would be reborn here, among them.

Rey blinks the snow from her eyelashes and reaches out around her, holding one trembling hand out tentatively. The energy that surges up to meet her is entirely unfamiliar and she gasps as it envelopes her. For as cold and dark as her current surroundings are, the place she's in is teeming with life. It's all around her-- joy and sorrow, light and dark. Violence and peace.

And Ben.

She feels it as suddenly as if she had been shocked and she lets the sensation flow through her, letting it warm her from the inside out as she reaches for him. Be with me, she thinks, pushing it through the bond as she looks around with wide eyes.

In all the chaos on Exegol, she thought that he had perished. Maybe he had, and she had too, and this is what comes after. In this precise moment, everything they've been through, everything he's done-- none of it matters. He's familiar to her in a place where nothing else is, and he's the only one that she can feel. More than that, she can feel the light within him.

"Ben," she says, breathing out the name to give it new life in this strange place. "You're here."

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"You don't know me as well as you think," he countered, though it was without its usual bitterness, and before she could change her offer, he gave her a slight shake of his head, holding up a hand to stop her.

"You'll have to give it back eventually. I'm not walking all the way home without it."

This, at least, is familiar territory.

Rey swallows hard, jaw working as she looks ahead. She shrugs out of the coat and tosses it over his arm, covering the hand that he’s held up to stop her, and lifts her chin as she forbids her body to give a single shiver.

“I’d rather you just take it now then,” she says coolly, walking a few paces ahead of him until she realizes that she has no idea where to go. She stands there, glowering at the snow dusted street, and looks over at him once he catches up.

“If you just point me in the right direction,” she tells him with a slight furrow of her brow, “I can go myself.”

She was angry. Or if not that, she was hurt. He could feel it roiling within her, her feelings a crackling, physical presence looming between them.

It wasn't what he'd intended, but this was new territory. She seemed in need of comfort, or at least reassurance, and he had no idea how to give it to her.

"No, I wanted you to have it," he said, his coat held between both hands, feeling more ridiculous than he had in a long time.

"If you go that direction, you'll hit the tracks, then you can follow them south," he said, with a jerk of his chin ahead of them. "If you prefer to go alone."

Rey gives him a watery glare over her shoulder, because he should know better than anyone that she doesn’t want to be alone. It’s the first thing he ever learned about her.

Surely he has also learned how stubborn she can be, which is why she clenches her jaw and looks away for a long moment. A part of her wants to storm away from him, but she can’t quite seem to get her feet to move.

“Don’t say that I don’t know you. Not now,” she says as she whirls fo face him, staring up at his face without any hint of being intimidated by his size. “I know enough.”

Rey stares up at him, doing her best to look menacing, but her body gives a full shiver and she huffs as she reaches out to pull the coat from his hands. “I suppose you’ll have to come if you want this back.”

And then she does storm off, but it’s lacking some of its vigor as she swirls the coat around her and shoves her arms inside, drowning herself in black fabric.

"You do," he conceded, contrite in a way he rarely allowed himself to be. As she charged away from him, her anger and her loneliness and pain a physical thing crackling between them, as it always was.

He did know her, and she knew him, and that was the miraculous problem, wasn't it?

Sighing, he followed just a bit behind.

"It's this way," he said as they approached the station, stepping front only to lead her down the stairs towards the Information booth.

Ben follows behind her, a dark shadow that looms, but she would be lying if she said she didn’t find comfort in it. She knows that he would never let any harm come to her.

Now that he isn’t the one trying to cause it.

They walk in silence, and Rey lets him take the lead as she looks around the space with obvious curiosity. Her attention is so taken up by the train racing by that she walks into his back at the end of the stairs, and then murmurs an apology before stepping up to the Information booth.

“Hello,” says a woman with eyes that seem a little too wide. “Name?”

“Rey,” she answers, and feels her own eyes widen when the woman asks for her last name. It’s a question she’s gotten many times, one that always hurts, but this is the first time that she’s been faced with it since learning of her true lineage. She inhales sharply and takes half a step back, shaking her head a little. She thinks of names she would like to have, that she would be proud of— Skywalker, Organa. Solo. But they are not hers. After so many years of wondering, she finally has a name and she doesn’t even want it. “I don’t— it’s just Rey.”

The woman nods and slides an envelope across the counter. There is something written on it and for a moment she’s terrified that she’ll see it there, in irrefutable print. Rey Palpatine.

But no, it says only Rey, and she feels her eyes stinging embarrassingly as she stutters out a thank you and takes the envelope. She turns around and almost bumps into Ben again, pausing to give him a look that she hopes isn’t desperately sad before she goes to rush back up the stairs, suddenly wanting to be back outside.

Ben remained a looming shadow behind her. He felt, long before hearing it in her voice, the wretched uncertainty and shame overwhelming her, and he struggled against the urge to reach out, either with his mind or his hand, to touch her. The woman behind her counter floundered, her wide-eyes looking to him for assistance, but she was met only with his warning glare.

"Rey," he called, hurrying after her. "You're exhausted. We shouldn't go on foot."

Catching up with her, he reached out to take the envelope from her hands, intent on opening it and finding her lodging assignment.

She nearly jumps at the sound of his voice, swallowing hard as he takes the envelope. No one has ever said her name quite like he does, the sound of it low and rich. Almost warm.

A part of her wants to protest, but she knows that he’s right. She can’t even remember the last time she actually slept, but it must have been days ago, and worlds away. She feels sick with exhaustion, head aching, and she merely nods as she drifts closer to him.

He digs into the envelope, holding a small card between two of his massive fingers as he roots around for something else, she she reaches out to take what appears to be an identification card. It has her photograph on it, and her name. Rey, no last name printed.

Her brows burrow and she pats at the coat she’s wearing until she finds his billfold and extracts it, opening it to get a look at his card. The picture is a good one, capturing his strong features and intense, sullen eyes, but it’s the name that catches her attention, and the corner of her mouth quirks up as she swipes her thumb across it. Ben Solo.

She doesn’t want to be Rey Palpatine, so she won’t. He doesn’t want to be Kylo Ren anymore, so he won’t. They may not be free, not in this place, but at least they have that.

“What are you looking for?” She shuffles closer and grabs his arm, pressing up onto her toes to try and get a look at the paper he seems so concerned with. Stars, he’s tall. “Surely you know how to get there. Is it like a barracks? I’ll take a cot, any cot.”

Perhaps she’s more tired than she even realized.

"It isn't a barracks. You'll have more space than you'll know what to do with," he said offhandedly as he finally found her assignment. Beneath it, was printed the cross street and the nearest stop on the train line.

"We'll take the train," he said, passing the envelop back to her and turning towards the stairs, the movement somehow conveying a flourish without the cape he often wore.

As Ben turns away from her, walking as if he's still commanding an army, Rey realizes that wherever he's taking her, he won't be staying. It makes her falter for a moment, because she had just assumed they'd be staying in the same place. She doesn't even know why.

But apparently she'll be alone, and she should be relieved to have her own space. And she is, in a way, but she'll be alone.

"That isn't a very high bar," she says wryly, and she sees her set up in that hollowed out AT-AT on Jakku in her mind so strongly that she's sure he sees it too. "But alright."

At the base of the stairs, he paused, stating abruptly, "You're not alone."

Before allowing her to respond, Ben turned, leading her towards the ticket kiosk.

He pulled the wallet from his own pocket, feeding a few bills into it and purchasing tickets for them both.

"The place I've been assigned isn't far away," he said, passing her ticket to her. "And we've never let that stop us before."

The words startle her, because she feels them as much as she hears them. Her cheeks flush slightly and she feels herself smile, just a little, before she rushes forward to catch up to him.

"No, we haven't," she says, because it feels important to acknowledge. Knowing that he'll be close by, and even closer still if she wants him to be, is a comfort. And isn't that something?

She takes the paper ticket, strange as it is, and follows Ben onto the train platform to wait. One hip cocks out as she shifts her weight, and she yawns hugely before looking over at Ben. He's standing ramrod straight, and she rolls her eyes as she reaches over to pat his chest with the back of hand. "At ease, solider."

Ben jolted at her touch, and while his face remained impassive, his shoulders did relax by a hair.

Showing her how to scan her ticket to allow them both access through the turnstile, he led her to the platform, where the train was just pulling to a stop. The doors opened and he led her into an empty car.

He chose a seat, a bench parallel to the wall, with space on either side. He slouched, just a bit, finally letting himself feel how exhausted he was.

Rey looks around as she enters the train, taking in the space with a curious eye. By the time she looks back at Ben, he’s seated and slumped a bit, and Rey tries not to think about how he looks just a little inviting.

The train jerks into motion and she regards the bench he’s on and the seat parallel to it before choosing the bench. He’s warm at her side, even with space between them, and she tips her head back against the window as she watches them pass through a dark tunnel.

When the train pulls into its next stop, the motion shifts Rey a little closer to his side. He doesn’t get up, and she realizes that she doesn’t know how long this ride will be. She allows her eyes to close and as the rocking of the train lulls her into a light sleep, her head tips over onto Ben’s shoulder with a soft breath, hands laying open on either side of her thighs.

Edited 2020-02-03 04:04 (UTC)

Ben didn't dare move as the train stuttered over the tracks, Rey's head a warm weight against his shoulder. Breathing slowly, he looked down at his own hands, palms open atop his knees. There ought to have been blood on his hands, he thought, etched permanently into the whorls and lines of his fingerprints, the kind of stain that was impossible to wash away.

He sighed, fingers closing over his palms, his head tipping back against the window.

When they finally pulled into their station, he rested a hand on her shoulder, shaking her gently awake.

"We're here."

Rey hadn't meant to fall asleep. She's always had to be cautious, even in sleep, since she was a little girl. Back to the wall, facing the door. Have a weapon nearby.

That was always the case on Jakku, and even more so in the year after. Rey doesn't just drift off, which is why she's confused when someone is suddenly shaking her awake. When she lifts her head, her surroundings are unfamiliar and she goes tense, heart racing as her head jerks over and she looks at Ben with wide eyes.

She didn't know that his face was so close to hers and it shouldn't relax her to see him there, but it does. She remembers where she is and that she isn't in danger, at least not at the current moment, and she scrubs her hands over her face before nodding and pulling herself to her feet.

When they make it off the train and up onto the street, it's very nearly morning. The sky is tinged with a yellowish gray along the horizon, there over the ocean, and she lets out another huge yawn that she covers with the sleeves of Ben's jacket, since it hangs down over her hands.

"You'll have to carry me if we don't get there soon," she says to Ben, and she isn't even entirely sure that she's joking.

"You'll make it," he said, and while the words might have sounded dismissive, there was a depth of respect to the statement, speaking to his faith in her strength in the face of whatever obstacle befell her.

As they approached her building, Ben reached again for the packet in her hands, his lips pressed into a line— almost a smile. Retrieving her keys, he unlocked her door, ushering her inside ahead of him with a gesture of his hand.

Rey doesn't know what she was expecting to see on the other side of the door, but it certainly wasn't this. She steps across the threshold and feels her eyes widen as she looks around. As far as living quarters go, it's the biggest she's ever seen.

"There's a kitchen." It's the first thing she says, and she heads right for the sink. With a flick of a knob, she has clean running water right here, available whenever she wants. She's never had that before. It's enough to make her let out an astonished laugh, and she covers her mouth with her hand for a moment before turning it off.

Everything else sort of loses focus as she spots what looks to be a very padded bench seat with a soft back, and she crosses back across in front of Ben to very inelegantly toss herself face first onto it with a thankful groan.

Ben stood just inside the apartment, watching her move about it with a warm ache settling in his chest, overlapped by the unmistakable hum of her own curious excitement.

All at once, he was prone in a heap, face first into the forgiving cushions of her own upholstered sofa. One corner of his mouth twitched into a faint smile, and because there was no one to see it, he did nothing to try and hide it.

Blowing out an unsteady sigh, Ben floundered for a moment. He considered sitting down, but wondered if she might prefer to be alone.

Now that Rey's belly is full and she is somewhere warm and comfortable and safe, at least for the moment if not in the long term, she has a very hard time keeping her eyes open. Sleep is calling at her but she manages to work her way out of Ben's coat so he can take it with him, feeling it slip off of her and fall to the floor.

He's still here, and she can feel his unease as he hovers over her. If he leaves, she'll be alone but not really, as he's reminded her.

"You don't have to go," she murmurs, leaving the choice up to him as she rolls onto her side and pulls her feet up enough to make room for him at the end of the sofa. She reaches out to squeeze his hand in gratitude, mostly catching his pinky and ring fingers before she lets go to tuck her hand under her chin.

It's all she can seem to manage, and she lets out a soft breath before finally welcoming sleep to take her.

Ben did not take the offered seat, but he did stay for a while longer, lowering himself instead into the chair by the sofa. Elbow resting on his knees, he let his head hang low, exhausted and practically buzzing with conflict.

He watched her, her lips parted. The soft, rhythmic flutter of her breath was unfamiliar, yet he found it comforting in ways he did not wish to examine. She stirred now and then, a crease between her brows, but her sleep was deep and restful.

He wished, with nearly overwhelming intensity, to step into her dreams, to see for himself what she might have been thinking. Instead, he finally stood, and while he considered leaving some sort of note, he knew that she would call to him if she needed to.

With one last glance, he slipped quietly out of her apartment. He left his coat behind.

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