[for ben]

[strongerthanblood]

She can't sleep.

For hours, she's tried but something is keeping her awake, some gnawing thing that she can't seem to identify. She gets up to make tea, padding silently through her too big apartment in a pajama set that felt had like a particularly decadent purchase, a soft pink silk tank with thin straps and matching shorts.

Boy shorts, the sales woman had called them. They don't look like anything she's ever seen a boy wear, but she didn't argue. She had thought the set was pretty, and she keeps telling herself that it's okay to get something just because it was pretty. And if a part of the reason she gets it is because maybe she'd like someone else to see it someday, well, she doesn't think on it too hard.

After drinking a cup of tea and doing a little reading, she tries again to go to sleep, but it's futile. She feels too warm, stretched out on one side of the bed with a sheet draped across her legs, and she closes her eyes again to avoid staring up at the ceiling.

She feels so restless, and she allows herself to wonder what Ben is doing, if he's tossing and turning like she is. She thinks of him so often, in a multitude of ways, but right now she thinks of him fondly, wondering what he might look like when he sleeps.

Rey is so busy wondering, in fact, that she doesn't even notice when the mattress subtly dips with added weight.

Comments

[weakandfoolish]

"You didn't," he said, falling into step at her side. It was still strange, walking along with her. Standing side by side. Living life in each other's orbit, instead of constantly crashing together only to have her run from him.

"I can't imagine it was much of a challenge," he said, with a hint of respect. "You're a natural pilot." His lips twitched, struggling to hide a smirk. "You're almost as good a pilot as me."

[strongerthanblood]

"Almost?" Rey asks with a laugh, shoving at his side as they reach the sidewalk. She knows that he's goading her, but she can still pick up on the praise in his voice. If he says she's a good pilot, she must be. "I'd challenge you to a race if I could."

Ben leads the way to his apartment, and when he lets them inside, Rey realizes that this is the first time she has been in his space. She looks around with open curiosity, smiling at the sight of a small stack of books on a table next to an arm chair.

"Go get dressed," she tells him as she goes over to fall into the chair, crossing her legs as she pulls her phone out of her pocket. "I'll look up the address."

[weakandfoolish]

The apartment was sparse, but still appeared lived in, with books stacked in various places, and a coat draped over an empty armchair.

His quarters on the Star Destroyer had been sparse, sterile. Now, he longed for something a bit more like a home.

Ducking into his bedroom, he quickly changed out of his pajamas and into a pair of black jeans and a black v-neck shirt. Taking a brief moment to run his fingers through his unruly hair, he stepped back out into the living room, glancing up at her as he bent to tie his boots.

"You'll have to teach me to drive," he decided. "Then we'll race."

[strongerthanblood]

"I see you're sticking to a particular color scheme," Rey says as he exits his bedroom, looking up from her phone to smirk at him. Truth is, he looks good in black and to Rey in particular, the dark clothing still looks kind of exotic. It was nearly unheard of to see someone on Jakku dressed in all black, not with the heat and the searing sun.

"I can do that." Her smile turns into a slow grin, because she likes knowing that she has something that she can teach him. The idea of racing is even more appealing, because while she certainly doesn't miss being at odds with him, sometimes she does miss going up against him, and the fire he burns beneath her. "I'll teach you how to drive, and then beat you in a race."

She smirks at him and then returns her gaze to her phone, letting her expression go more serious as she reads and bites her thumbnail. She pauses on a certain passage, eyes widening as she jumps to her feet.

"Morning after pills can be used after sex to stop a pregnancy before it starts," she reads, looking up at Ben with open relief before crinkling her nose in amusement. "Well, that's clever, isn't it? So we just need to go get one of these pills, and then decide what to do going forward."

A instinctual stab of insecurity rises up from somewhere inside of her, but she easily pushes it away once she remembers how Ben had looked at her. How he felt. Her issues with abandonment won't just go away overnight, but she's very certain that they're on the same page here. "I assume you want to keep doing-- that. With me."

[weakandfoolish]

Ben looked down at himself, his mouth twitching faintly at the corner. "It's easier. You have fewer choices to make, if you wear all one color."

At her challenge, he huffed out a breath of laughter. "You can try."

With his boots tied, he rose to his feet, meeting her by the door. She looked up at him, and even if he hadn't been able to read the uncertainty etched across her face, he could feel it, twisting within his own chest as if it were his own.

"I'm here, aren't I?"

[strongerthanblood]

"Yeah, you're here," she says breathlessly, happily. Her gaze is full of wonder as she looks at him and then she pulls herself together, turning to lead him out of the apartment.

The clinic is sort of invasive and uncomfortable, but Rey does get some amusement at seeing Ben perched in one of the uncomfortable chairs, looking very stoic just under a large poster detailing female reproductive anatomy.

She leaves with a morning after pill and another small packet of pills that she has to take every day to prevent pregnancy, but she still has to have her monthly bleed which seems wholly unfair. It's worth it, however, if it means that she gets to keep being with Ben without any barriers between them.

They stop at a coffee shop so they can get something to drink, and she washes the pill down with some iced tea. It eases her anxiety over the situation and she smiles up at him, almost shy as she reaches for his hand.

They head back toward her apartment, where they'll spend the rest of the day together. And maybe, if she has her way, the rest of forever.