strongerthanblood | [for ben]

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ben solo

[for ben]

She can't sleep.

For hours, she's tried but something is keeping her awake, some gnawing thing that she can't seem to identify. She gets up to make tea, padding silently through her too big apartment in a pajama set that felt had like a particularly decadent purchase, a soft pink silk tank with thin straps and matching shorts.

Boy shorts, the sales woman had called them. They don't look like anything she's ever seen a boy wear, but she didn't argue. She had thought the set was pretty, and she keeps telling herself that it's okay to get something just because it was pretty. And if a part of the reason she gets it is because maybe she'd like someone else to see it someday, well, she doesn't think on it too hard.

After drinking a cup of tea and doing a little reading, she tries again to go to sleep, but it's futile. She feels too warm, stretched out on one side of the bed with a sheet draped across her legs, and she closes her eyes again to avoid staring up at the ceiling.

She feels so restless, and she allows herself to wonder what Ben is doing, if he's tossing and turning like she is. She thinks of him so often, in a multitude of ways, but right now she thinks of him fondly, wondering what he might look like when he sleeps.

Rey is so busy wondering, in fact, that she doesn't even notice when the mattress subtly dips with added weight.

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For some reason, she doesn’t expect him to wash her. The casual intimacy startles her, because no one has ever taken care of her like this. With anyone else, Rey would balk at it, shove it away, but Ben’s hands are so tender and she feels so safe that her eyes well up slightly as she relaxes into his soothing touch.

He can feel all of it, she’s sure, but she isn’t too embarrassed. She just leans back against him and revels in the feeling, letting her head rest back against his shoulder as his hands glide across her chest and stomach, under her arms and over her hips, down between her legs where she’s still sensitive and a little sore. Somehow it feels like one of the most intimate things they’ve done, and Rey lets out a shuddering breath.

Rey doesn’t need anyone to take care of her, but she might let Ben try a little, if he wanted.

He felt all of it. The instinct to push him away, to refuse to be coddled, the uncertainty and strangeness of being pampered... of being vulnerable. And all of it, he felt echoed within himself. Anyone else, and this never would've happened.

His touch was intimate but efficient, washing every inch of her within his reach. Once that was through, he moved on to the shampoo, rich and sweet-smelling. Another small luxury she'd allowed herself, just like those pajamas.

Working his fingers against her scalp, he fought a grin as he watched as a small bubble landed on the tip of her nose.

Rey can't help but to hum as Ben's fingers work through her hair, dragging along her scalp. It's so relaxing, and for a brief moment she feels nearly giddy. All the times they've faced off in anger, and now they're here, taking such gentle care of one another.

Never again will she raise her lightsaber at him, but she may slice through anyone who tried to do him harm. He doesn't need protecting, just like she doesn't need to be pampered, but they'll do both for each other anyway.

Her nose itches and she wriggles it, huffing out a breath as she reaches up to rub at it. Once Ben has guided her under the spray and rinsed all the soap from her hair, she switches places with him and sets about lathering up his body with her hands.

"This is much more work on my end," she teases, crouching down so that she can soap up his thick thighs, working her hand gently between his legs to clean away the mess she made of him. The position brings her face close to his cock and the hang of his testicles beneath, but there will be time for her to study that a little more closely later.

She rises back to her full height and reaches for the shampoo, pressing up onto her toes and leaning against him as she works her fingers through his thick hair. They're nearly nose to nose, and she smiles at him. "Hi."

"You're managing it all right," he said, hiding his own smile as he moved obediently where she wanted him, stooping a bit to help her reach his hair.

"Hi," he echoed back to her, finally losing that battle against his smile. It stretched wide, creasing his cheeks, his eyes alight with amusement. Nudging his nose against hers, he stepped back into the spray and rinsed the soap from his hair.

Opening the shower door and reaching for the towel on the bar, he arched a brow. "Only one?"

The sudden lack of warm water makes her shiver, and she crosses her arms over her chest as she waits for Ben to move out of the way. His question makes her pause and then she flushes, eyes widening a little.

"I-- didn't think I needed more than one," she tells him. "At the time."

His arm is outstretched and Rey narrows her eyes, making a quick calculation before suddenly ducking underneath it and snatching the towel from him, letting out a crow of victory as she skids across the tile floor.

"You need to be faster than that, Ben Solo." She snaps the towel out and drags it over her body with vigor, wanting to be dry, then gives him a cheery smile. "Sorry!"

Edited 2020-03-18 21:13 (UTC)

With a startled bark of laughter, Ben stumbled from the shower, his arms sliding around her waist, being sure to drip all over her as he crowded them both out of the bathroom.

On the way out the door, he reached out to snatch a hand towel, clearly bought in a set, from the loop by the sink and held it up in front of his crotch with a defiant smirk.

"You're the one left with me dripping all over your furniture."

Edited 2020-03-18 21:25 (UTC)

"Ben!" Rey squirms in his grip without any real intent to get away, laughing happily and stumbling forward once he lets her go. She turns around to see him there, barely covering himself with the towel, and lets out another happy laugh. He's so beautiful, especially when he smiles.

"We can share," she assures him, scrubbing the towel over her hair before coming over to drag across Ben's torso. She leaves him with the damp towel and then steps away, pulling on a clean pair of white cotton panties as her eyes fall on the crumpled pile of Ben's black sweater.

"Case in point." The sweater is soft in her hands when she scoops it up, and she tugs it over her head with a pleased sigh. It drapes down to her thighs, hanging over her hands, but she gives him another happy smile. "Sharing."

Edited 2020-03-18 21:34 (UTC)

Huffing out another laugh, he used the damp towel towel over his hair and down his legs, drying himself off quickly and efficiently. Tossing it into the same pile as the sheets, he walked over to retrieve his pants and pulled them on, the loose drawstring leaving them seated loose around his hips.

"I'm going to need that back," he said, without any real heat. He knew that she would be able to tell just how it felt, seeing her in his sweater, which hung nearly to her knees.

"It isn't going anywhere," she assures him, feeling her cheeks heat up as she takes a step closer to him. His mind hasn't felt shuttered to her in a long time, but now it's more open than ever. He looks at her and she can feel her own fond possessiveness mirrored there in him. It isn't a desire to own, or stake any claim, but instead the knowledge that they are a part of one another. They belong together.

She comes over and presses a kiss to a spot just below his collarbone, lingering for a moment before she bends to scoop up the bedding and the towel. It smells like them and she blushes as she carries them through the kitchen to the tiny washer and dryer set tucked away in a closet.

"It probably won't all fit," she says as she leans into the washer to retrieve a forgotten sock, kicking one leg back for balance. Just the sheets first, then. Blanket later. She shoves them into the machine and huffs in frustration when the detergent proves to be pushed too far back onto the top of the machine for her to reach, and then uses her mind to nudge it into her hand. "Ah ha!"

Moving forward to help her, Ben paused mid-step, smiling fondly as he watched the box of detergent slide across the top of the washer and into hand.

"Acquired a taste for coffee yet?" He asked, looking at the machine sitting on her counter— the same standard issue that had come with the apartment. He thought of that first evening in Darrow, sitting across from her at the dinner, watching the charming way her lip curled with every sip from the cup clutched between her hands.

"I have not. I like tea," Rey tells him as she starts the washer and follows him into the kitchen. There is a tea kettle on the stove that she fills with water and seats to heat on a burner, and she reaches into the cupboard next to him to pull out a sampler pack of tea bags she got.

"I like the earl grey one." She pulls out a bag and holds it out to him, and her smile softens. "But I'll make sure to get some coffee."

There is a drop of water in the hollow of Ben's throat, and she leans forward to kiss it away. "And another towel."

Edited 2020-03-19 00:16 (UTC)

"I don't mind tea," he said, though something in him unexpectedly softened at her offer.

Plucking the tea bag gently from her grasp, he settled a hand at her waist, which somehow seemed even more narrow under the oversized weight of his sweater. "Do you have a second mug, or do we have to share that, as well?"

“I do have two mugs! They were already in there when I got here,” she admits, forgetting all about the tea for a moment when he draws her in close. It feels a little like there is fire in her veins and being touched by him is the only thing that soothes it.

It can’t last forever, she assumes, but she is happy to enjoy it while it does.

Rey presses up onto her toes to give him another kiss, and this one is softer than the others. Their mouths stay pressed together, warm and lingering, and she doesn’t pull away until the kettle starts to whistle. Her cheeks are pink when she does, and she turns to pull two plain white mugs from the cupboard.

“Here you go,” she says, filling them both with water and selecting another tea bag for herself. Once it’s steeping, she carries her mug down to set it on the coffee table, gesturing for him to follow. “Come sit.”

Edited 2020-03-19 03:57 (UTC)

The kiss was lingering, breathless, and he felt a bit dazed as she pulled away from him, staring blankly at the countertop for a long moment as he mindlessly dropped his tea bag into his mug, muttering a curse as he dropped the paper tag on the end of the string into the water. Hissing as he fished it from the cup, he followed her into the living room, hiding a sheepish smile as he sat down on the sofa at her side.

"So."

“So,” she repeats, smiling at him for a long moment before suddenly jumping to her feet and rushing into her bedroom. She comes back out a moment later with her phone and looks at the empty spot on the sofa for a moment before sitting sideways on Ben’s lap instead, with her backside on one thigh and the arches of her feet on the other, bare legs bent up against her chest.

“It’s probably a little early for cheeseburgers,” she murmurs, opening up the delivery app as she rests her head against Ben’s shoulder. “Mm, maybe breakfast burritos.”

Edited 2020-03-19 20:03 (UTC)

Blinking as she suddenly sprang into action, Ben watched her with bemused fondness, still in awe of the passion she seemed to have, even for the small moments. She climbed into his lap and he quirked a smile, his hand resting against the curve of her spine.

"I haven't tried one of those," he admitted, his chin resting against the top of her head.

“Ben, they’re wonderful,” she assures him, knowing that he hasn’t gotten quite as adventurous with food as she has. “After a lifetime of the same freeze dried portions, I want to try everything. All the time.”

Rey orders two bacon, egg, and cheese burritos and an order of churros, and after a moment’s consideration, she also adds a large coffee for Ben, even though he said he doesn’t mind tea. She wants him to have what he likes, not just what he doesn’t mind.

Once the order is submitted, she tosses her phone aside and turns to press her face into Ben’s neck. He smells like her soap, her shampoo, and an earthy sort of scent that is him alone. She presses a kiss there, resting a hand on his chest before nosing his damp hair out of the way so she can kiss the shell of his ear, nipping playfully at the lobe.

He wanted to tell her that he was glad that she was being given the chance to try new things, now. She had freedoms, even in this world with such strange, rigid boundaries. She deserved every new experience she desired, every luxury, every pleasure, but also the difficulties she'd missed out on. The mundane, boring, painful aspects of life she might never have experienced alone on Jakku.

Unable to find the words, he left it there in his mind for her to find, if she wanted to.

"I can't help but wonder what Luke would say about all of this."

Just as Rey is about to press her tongue the soft spot under Ben’s ear, she senses the shifting of his thoughts. It feels like there is a but hovering at the edge of it all, and she pulls back to look at him at the mention of Luke.

She has no idea, really, what he would say. Since Ben showed up in her bed last night, she hasn’t thought of anything but him, and the intensity of their bond. Thinking of the rest of it makes her brow furrow the slightest bit, and she slides her palm soothingly along his bare chest.

“I think he would be proud of you,” she admits. Ben and Luke’s relationship is more complicated than she could ever fully comprehend, but she does believe that. “He knew that he failed you. He should have—“

Rey shakes her head, because she’s spent too much time on should haves and what ifs. Instead she looks at Ben, solid and real beneath her, and reaches out to touch his cheek. “As for us, I honestly don’t think he would be all that surprised.”

"I decimated an entire generation of his pupils, I don't know that he had it in him to be proud of anything I did in the wake that," Ben admitted, his jaw twitching with tension as she mentioned Skywalker's failings.

"He tried very hard to keep us apart," he pointed out, one corner of his mouth twitching into a faint, humorless smile as he thought of that moment between them, their fingertips touching before she was ripped away.

Rey swallows hard at that, jaw working as she tries to think of something reassuring to say, but she can’t. He did what he did and there is no changing that, but Ben knows that. He has never once tried to make excuses for what he did, and there is nothing to do but move past it.

“Perhaps he knew,” she says softly, touching the pad of her finger to the divot under his bottom lip. “At least in some part, what we were to each other. It’s not like he would have told us.”

"I was the darkness he was trying to shield you from," he said, with an edge of wry humor. While he now understood Luke's intentions a bit better than he had once, he still couldn't let go of all the bitterness he felt towards his uncle. Perhaps, what hurt the most was Luke's weakness. To a young Ben Solo, his Uncle Luke had seemed invincible.

It was the greatest disappointment, realizing that he was just a man. A man capable of awful mistakes.

"The Jedi forbid personal attachments," he said, his hand curling gently around Rey's slim wrist, his lips pressing to the tips of her fingers.

“Fat lot of good that did,” Rey replies with a shake of her head. “I knew you would come back, Ben. I just knew it.”

She watches Ben’s face and the emotions that play across it so subtly, looking into his deep brown eyes. He is the one responsible for his actions in the end, but so many people failed him along the way. It all could have gone so much differently, she thinks, but they’ll never know.

“I would think a dyad would be exempt from that, don’t you?” Admittedly, Rey had sort of forgotten that part of the Jedi code. Or— not forgotten, but at the time it seemed so irrelevant that she didn’t give it much thought. “Why would we be given this sort of connection if we weren’t meant to nurture it?”

"I didn't," he admitted, with a faint smirk, and while he didn't say it, he knew she could feel how grateful he was to her, for not giving up on him.

"I doubt they gave the possibility much thought," he said, shifting his grip on her wrist, his thumb brushing along the lines of her palm. "Dyads are exceptionally rare."

He kissed the heel of her palm, pressing his face there for a long moment.

"The Sith foretold of it, not the Jedi. They were obsessed with it. With the power a dyad could possess."

“I knew enough for both of us,” she assures him, smiling at that rush of gratitude. Of course, she did have her moments of doubt, fueled by desperation. She was a fool to think she could end it all when she ran him through on those ruins. The second the lightsaber made contact, she ached with regret the likes of which she had never known.

And she’s sure Ben would have felt the same. Neither of them could ever die at the other’s hand, not without also destroying themselves.

Her eyes narrow at the mention of the Sith, but the tender way he touches her reassures her, and she uses her other hand to sweep his hair back from his face. “I am not interested in power.”

Edited 2020-03-20 03:40 (UTC)

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