[for ben]

[strongerthanblood]

She can't sleep.

For hours, she's tried but something is keeping her awake, some gnawing thing that she can't seem to identify. She gets up to make tea, padding silently through her too big apartment in a pajama set that felt had like a particularly decadent purchase, a soft pink silk tank with thin straps and matching shorts.

Boy shorts, the sales woman had called them. They don't look like anything she's ever seen a boy wear, but she didn't argue. She had thought the set was pretty, and she keeps telling herself that it's okay to get something just because it was pretty. And if a part of the reason she gets it is because maybe she'd like someone else to see it someday, well, she doesn't think on it too hard.

After drinking a cup of tea and doing a little reading, she tries again to go to sleep, but it's futile. She feels too warm, stretched out on one side of the bed with a sheet draped across her legs, and she closes her eyes again to avoid staring up at the ceiling.

She feels so restless, and she allows herself to wonder what Ben is doing, if he's tossing and turning like she is. She thinks of him so often, in a multitude of ways, but right now she thinks of him fondly, wondering what he might look like when he sleeps.

Rey is so busy wondering, in fact, that she doesn't even notice when the mattress subtly dips with added weight.

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[weakandfoolish]

He dreamed of her.

Those dreams were never specific, and they tended to fade like smoke the moment he awoke from them, more a series of feelings than anything he could recount. Often, he returned to consciousness with a gasp, heart hammering in his chest, the sheets sweaty and tangled around him. Guilt clawing at his throat. More rarely, he awoke slowly, gently, feeling more rested than he had in nearly a decade, the whisper of her voice echoing through his mind.

That night, he merely dozed, frustrated by his inability to drift off completely. He'd slept rarely, in his years with the First Order, but when he had, he'd tended to sleep deeply and efficiently. If there were dreams, he stubbornly refused to give them any consideration. Now, his mind was a jumble of all those thoughts he'd denied.

Shutting his eyes, he drew in a slow, steadying breath, reminding himself to be mindful of the space around him. It was then, laying on his side beneath the thin sheets of his bed, that he felt the mattress dip beside him. Opening his eyes, he found her lying there, the dim light from the window casting her pale skin an eerie blue.

Frozen, he watched her, unsure of what to do. The rise and fall of her chest matched his own— slow and steady, despite the hammering of his heart. There was a small freckle on her breastbone. He couldn't seem to look away.

"Rey," he finally murmured into the silent room, as he slowly lifted his head, propping himself up onto one elbow. This wasn't the first time that she'd called to him while he'd been asleep, but it was the first time they'd found themselves in this position, under the covers and with him wearing nothing more than a pair of dark grey sleep pants, and Rey wearing...

Well.

[strongerthanblood]

When she hears her name in his low voice, said so soft and reverent, she thinks she must have imagined it. This lasts for only a moment before she registers the thrum of their open bond under her skin.

Her eyes flutter open and she turns her head to look at him, feeling her cheeks flush when she's suddenly confronted by the long line of him at her side, in her bed. His chest is bare and winter pale, aside from the dark moles that dot his skin, like someone flicked a paintbrush across canvas.

It isn't the first time she's seen him without a shirt but it's the first time she decided to actually look, letting her eyes sweep along his torso before landing on his face. His dark hair spills across his forehead and she nearly pulls the blankets up over herself, but the urge quickly fades.

He's seen the deepest, darkest parts of her mind. He's seen the very worst of her, so he can see this too.

"Ben," she finally says, feeling the corners of her mouth lift into a shy smile. "You can't sleep either?"

[weakandfoolish]

Hiding a smile, he caught a hand in the sheets and pulled them just a bit higher up his torso. It had been a long time since he'd been playful or made any jokes, and he'd never been particularly good at it to begin with. He'd been a peculiarly serious child, intense in a way that tended to make people uncomfortable, but he was still the son of Han Solo and Leia Organa. Someone born from those parents couldn't possibly be devoid of any humor, deep down.

"I was dozing." This time, he did smile, a faint curve at the corner of his lips. "Your mind's restless. I could hear you all the way across town."

[strongerthanblood]

"Oh, now you're modest?" She teases warmly, smiling as she rolls onto her side to face him, laying her cheek on her outstretched arm as she rests her other hand on the bed between them.

Having him in her bed should maybe be something of a shock, an invasion, and at one time she would have felt exactly that. Now things between them are different, and having him here actually makes her feel settled. She feels warm. "And just what was I saying?"

[weakandfoolish]

His eyes flickered away, glancing up at the plaster ceiling above his own bed, which he knew would match her own.

"You were contemplating a water spot," he said, pretending to take a shot in the dark. Then, he added, dropping all pretense. "You were wondering what I might be doing." It was a simple bit of honesty, nothing particularly revelatory. It seemed natural, now, that they would be in each other's thoughts.

He dropped his head to rest on his folded arm, their faces seeming mere inches apart, despite the fact that they were in different parts of town, different apartments, different beds.

[strongerthanblood]

"And now I know," she says easily, barely blinking as she looks at his face. He looks softer like this, on the edge of sleep, and her eyes catch on his full lips, the slant of his nose, and his dark eyes. The inky spill of his air makes him look almost boyish, and she reaches out to rest her hand over his much larger one where it rests between them.

As always, her breath hitches the moment she touches him through the bond, and then the sensation settles into something like a soft, familiar hum. The pads of her fingers trace the veins on the back of his hand, trail over his knuckles as she watches his face.

"I'm glad that you're here," she admits quietly, turning his hand over so she can let her fingertips follow the lines on his palm.

[weakandfoolish]

Ben's breath hitched in unison with her own, the electric crackle of her touch startling him more than he usually allowed it to. It was the ghost of a touch, somehow both less and more than a physical encounter, more real and more elusive. It was something they shared with each other and no one else, a balance of the force that belonged to them equally, and to them alone.

Snoke, once, had tried to make them believe that the bond was something he had orchestrated, a trick to lure Rey to the dark side. Ben, even at his most uncertain, had known differently. Even before he'd had a name for it, he knew that they were something unique.

"This might be a bit awkward, otherwise," he said wryly, an unable to stifle it, a brief, hopeful smile flickered across his face.

[strongerthanblood]

Their bond, which she once thought of a hindrance, an unexpected obstacle, has now become something so precious to Rey. All her life, she had nothing but the brittle ache of loneliness. It had settled into the core of her, until she felt at times like the only person in the universe.

But now there is their bond, this miraculous thing that seems to have filled up all the places inside of her that were left aching and empty. She knows, with an intimate sort of clarity, that Ben feels the same.

Neither of them will ever be alone, not ever again.

Ben smiles and Rey responds with one of her own, also soft and hopefully as she shuffles a little closer to him. Her mind can't help but to remember how he held her that night in the Falcon, and she would be lying if she said she hasn't been craving more since the moment they parted ways.

"Will you hold me, Ben?" Asking makes her feel flayed open and vulnerable, and she reaches out to close the minuscule space between their bodies so she can curl her hand around the wide breadth of his shoulder.

[weakandfoolish]

Suddenly, he fought the urge to laugh. The moment felt enormous, impossible and inevitable, relief bubbling up in his chest with such urgency that he felt ready to burst.

Instead, he let out a strangled sound, lifting a hand to her face, her hair slipping through his fingers. He'd touched her with such tenderness only a handful of times, but the moment felt very much like the one they'd shared in Exegol, full of awe and of hope.

Abruptly, he dragged himself from her side, the bond snapping shut as he rolled upright in his bed, alone. With a ragged breath, Ben buried his face in his hands, letting out a rough, frustrated groan.

"Okay," he said to himself. "Okay."

He dressed hastily. It had become something of an absurd ritual, fumbling on his clothes and running through the streets of Darrow like a madman to get to her.

[strongerthanblood]

When Ben suddenly rolls away from her and disappears, Rey spends a brief moment in despair, wondering if she might have gone too far. Before she can feel even a flash of hurt, she realizes that she can still feel him, and he’s coming to her.

Rey smiles giddily and buries her face in her pillow for a long moment, trying to calm herself down for one long, futile moment. Eventually she swings herself off of the bed and heads for the front door, feeling her heart pound as he gets closer and closer.

Never, never. They’ll never be alone again.

Once it gets to the point where she can actually hear his feet pounding on the pavement outside, she pulls the door open and gasps at the shock of cold night air that makes her skin pebble. And then he’s there, right in front of her, with his chest heaving and his hair blown back away from his face.

“I take it that’s a yes,” she breathes out, grinning up at him.

[weakandfoolish]

He was sweating and out of breath, standing at her door and feeling ridiculous in a way that was completely new to him.

"I..." He glanced back the way he'd come. "I ran," he admitted uselessly, coughing out a laugh as he took a lurching step towards her.

The night was cool, and standing in the open doorway, he could see goosebumps scattered across her chest, her hair spilling loose around her face. Without giving himself the chance to doubt his actions— though he knew without question that this was the right path, he set a hand to her waist, stooping to rest his forehead against her own as he walked her backward into the apartment.

[strongerthanblood]

“You ran,” Rey repeats, feeling a warm flutter in her chest. It means so much to her than he ran to her simply because he wanted to be with her, and she feels the urge to put her hands on him.

Thankfully, Ben doesn’t give her the chance to hold back on that particular desire. She gasps as his big hand rests on her hip, reaching out to swing the door shut as he moves her back into the apartment. He’s suddenly there, everywhere, surrounding her with his warmth and pressing in close.

His forehead meets hers and it feels so easy to tilt her head up and press her mouth to his, curling one arm around his neck with a soft whimper. She keeps drawing him backward, up on her bare toes as she pulls him into the hall, back towards her bedroom.

She’s never wanted like this. She’s never been wanted like this, and the scope of it makes her tingle all the way down to her toes. Rey grins, and kisses him again.

[weakandfoolish]

Rey, he knew, had always been the braver of the two of them. Kylo Ren's strength came from fear, from cowardice, from anger and resentment, and a childish confusion that Palpatine had nurtured in him for as long as Ben could remember. Rey acted through hope, through love, through a need for balance and the promise of something good, which he knew to be a much more difficult path to walk.

So, it did not surprise him that she was the one, once again, to hiss him. Their mouths met, and each moment felt like the natural extension of the last. A path they were walking together.

His hand slipped beneath the hem of her top, the fabric smooth and cool as it slid over the backs of his knuckles, while the soft skin of her back seared through him, impossibly hot. Their kiss on Exegol had lingered, but was chaste, grateful... final. This kiss bled from one into the next, his lips parting for breath, opening up for something deeper.

[strongerthanblood]

Awareness comes to Rey slowly, and the first thing that really registers is blessed warmth. She always feels a little cold here, after so long spent adapting to the desert, so she sinks into that warmth gratefully.

And then she realizes that she is curled up to Ben's side, in her bed, and everything that happened the previous night comes rushing back. There is surprise, but no regrets. No shame whatsoever. In fact, she smiles as she feels the pleasant ache between her legs, and pushes herself up onto one arm so she can look down at him.

The morning sunlight spills into her room and lets her see him in a way that she couldn't the night before, and she greedily takes in the sight of his face, lax with sleep. She was right; he does look almost like just a boy, soft and unburdened.

Her eager gaze trails over the long column of his throat, over his broad chest and small, tight nipples, leaning over to press a soft kiss just below one. Giving the sheet just one little tug reveals his-- his cock, impressive even while flaccid and nestled in a thatch of dark curls. It's the first time she's really gotten a good look at it and she lifts her hand to reach out and touch, but she pauses.

She actually feels a little ashamed to be doing this while he's asleep, because so much has been taken from Ben. So many people used him, and Rey doesn't want to be yet another person who takes without asking.

"Ben," she breathes out quietly, leaning over him and letting her fingers trail along his chin, slightly darkened with stubble growth. "Will you wake up for me?"

[weakandfoolish]

It was rare— almost unheard of, for Ben to sleep through someone moving about so close to him, let alone touching him. With her at his side, however, his mind and body relaxed more than it had in so long, allowing for a deep and restful sleep unlike any he'd had in years. So, at the soft press of her lips, at she shifting of the sheets around him, or even at the murmur of her voice, he didn't jolt awake. Instead, he tucked his face further into the pillows, his arm around her waist, seeking out the comfort of her warmth.

"Hnngh," he finally murmured, slurring through the haze of sleep. He cracked open an eye, and for a brief moment, a confused frown creased his brow, before the events of night before finally trickled back into his consciousness.

"Hey," he breathed, one corner of his mouth lifting in a sleepy smile.

[strongerthanblood]

"Hey," she echoes, smiling as he drags her in. Seeing him like this makes her chest feel like it's expanding, like her heart is growing bigger to make room for all that she feels for him.

Rey leans in to kiss him, slow and lingering, and then presses against his shoulder so that he rolls onto his back. Rising up onto her knees, she swings one leg over him and settles back against his thighs, tossing her hair back over her shoulder as she looks down at him.

"I want to touch you, but I didn't want to do it while you were asleep," she admits, leaning forward to rest her hands on his hips. "Can I touch you, Ben?"

[weakandfoolish]

Rolling over onto his back with a soft groan, Ben stretched both arms over his head, working an ache from his shoulder. It was a good ache— an ache from a long, deep sleep, after an eventful evening.

"You're already touching me," he murmured wryly, dropping his arms and letting his big hands settle at her waist. Catching her eyes, he nodded, almost imperceptibly. His cock, lying flaccid against his thigh, twitched with interest.

[strongerthanblood]

Rey watches the long stretch of his body with keen interest, lips parting at the flex of all that muscle She lets out a huff of amusement at the comment and gives his hip a little pinch as he reaches for her. His hands settle on her narrow waist and she hums, smiling softly as he nods.

Leaning forward, she places her hands on his chest and drags them downward, over his nipples and down his stomach, tracing the thin line of coarse hair below his navel. Sitting back up, she considers his cock for a moment before reaching down to gently curl her fingers around it.

Feeling it start to stiffen in her grip makes her feel powerful, and she feels an answering clench between her legs as she gives him a clumsy stroke. He gets harder, and bigger and bigger, and Rey’s eyes go dark as she uses her other hand to rest her thumb against the pink head of it once it peeks out of the foreskin. Curiously, gently, she slides his foreskin down and circles the head with her thumb, completely entranced as a bead of pearly fluid forms at the slit. She gathers it on her thumb and brings it to her mouth, watching his face as her tongue sneaks out to taste it. Bitter, earthy, Ben.

[weakandfoolish]

That was an all together different kind of touch, and Ben drew in a sharp breath, his eyes fluttering at the first, tentative stroke. She watched him with rapt attention, touched him with single-minded curiosity, and he'd never felt so exposed or so wanted. It was an entirely new kind of power, the vulnerability of it startling and exhilarating in a way he never would've dreamed of.

While she touched him, he explored her in kind, one hand sliding up to cup one of her breasts, while the other dipped lower between her legs, his thumb finding the little bud of nerves that had made her gasp the night before.

[strongerthanblood]

As Ben’s hands reach for her body, Rey slides herself a little further up his thighs to give him better access, offering herself up easily. His touch is the spark to the flame, and her whole body feels alight as his clever fingers dip between her legs.

She does gasp for him, a high feminine sound, mouth falling open as he sends sparks of pleasure along her body. The length of him now juts out proudly from his body and Rey swallows hard, feeling her cheeks flush as she reaches below his hand to slide her fingers along her wet folds, gathering that wetness before wrapping her hand around Ben’s shaft with a little more purpose.

Both of her fists fit around him, she discovers, panting a little as she slides them up and down in unison. “I can’t believe this fit inside me.”

[weakandfoolish]

"You were very determined," he said warmly, though his composure cracked the moment she reached between her own legs, her fingers disappearing inside of herself and coming away slick.

It occurred to him, as it had the night before, that she was violating the Jedi Code in doing this with him— a code established countless generations before them, but a code with flaws even Master Skywalker had been unable to ignore. They would need to talk about it, he knew, but for the moment, he was content to remain blissfully oblivious to the consequences of their choices, however inevitable those choices might have been.

"I promised you something, last night," he reminded her, a faint smirk on his lips.

[strongerthanblood]

“Bless my stubbornness,” she says with an easy grin, stroking him a few more times before letting her hands fall away. Rey really has no idea what she’s doing, but just going along with what feels good seems to be working so far.

She wriggles forward until the thick shaft of his cock can slide up between her labia, already swollen and pink with need as she tugs his hand away. It’s easy as anything to rock against him, whimpering at the drag of him over her clitoris, that greedy little bundle of nerves.

When he speaks, Rey pauses the languid roll of her hips and looks at him curiously. They said a lot of things last night, so she dips into the surface of his mind and lets out a needy whimper at what she sees there, reaching up to pinch at one of her stiff nipples.

“You did,” she breathes out, eyes dark as she smiles down at him. “Are you a man of your word, Ben Solo?”

[weakandfoolish]

"We'll see," he said, the length of his cock slipping against her as they rocked together, his thumb working in tight circles against her clitoris.

"Come here," he said, both command and request, a flicker of uncertainty behind his eyes as he urged her to move up his body to sit astride his shoulders.

[strongerthanblood]

At first, she doesn’t quite understand his meaning. She had imagined lying on her back as she had the night before, but once she realizes how he wants her, she can’t help the shudder that rolls through her.

Rising up onto her knees, she moves further up his body, chest heaving as she settles her ass against his chest, thighs spread wide around his shoulders. As eager as she is, she doesn’t miss the look on his face, like he’s a little unsure.

Before he can do anything, she reaches down to cup his cheek with one hand, swallowing hard as her other hand sinks into his hair. “Do you want this, Ben? I want only what you want to give me, nothing more.”

[weakandfoolish]

Whatever uncertainty he felt was only out of fear that she might not want the same. Quickly, he realized how foolish that was.

"I'll give you anything. Everything," he promised, taking her by the hips and urging her up onto her knees. So close, he was overwhelmed by the smell of her, musky and warm and intoxicating. Taking one of her hands in his own, he moved it to the headboard, encouraging her to hold on as he pressed an open-mouth kiss to the crease of her thigh.

Before she could could say anything more, he turned to lick the seam of her body, his tongue dipping between her folds, the tip of it stroking across the tight bud of her clitoris. Holding her still, he licked her again, and again, working on a deep, primal instinct with only the fierce burn of their bond to guide him. Feeling the twitch of her hips within his grasp, he loosened his hold on her, letting her grind her hips against him as he plunged his tongue deeper into her body.